Death at a Funeral 2: Port of Call New Orleans

Above I have posted the trailers for both the Frank Oz (Yoda) original and the Neil LaBute (In the Company of Men) remake of Death at a Funeral. Recently a lot has been said around the Blogosphere on the necessity of a remake of a film that came out less than 2 years ago. My two-cents on this subject is this: We all know that this movie is a remake, but what this post presupposes is maybe it isn’t?

I saw the Frank Oz’s DAAF when it was released on DVD and I thoroughly enjoyed it, Alan Tudyk and Peter Dinklage being my favorite parts. Shortly there after the Chris Rock/Neil LaBute “remake” was announced. Unlike most film fans I had no problem with this announcement, I am a huge fan of cover songs because I like to see what talented artists do with the music of other artists, and my feelings towards this are the same as my feelings towards cover songs.

My theories about the legitimacy of this being a remake started when I was watching the Chris Rock DAAF trailer and I saw Peter Dinklage in the same role he had in the original DAAF, that of the dead father’s secret lover. It occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, this was actually a sequel, and the DAAF series (and if I am correct it will be a series) is actually about a small man who serial dates elderly closeted homosexuals with large families, waits until the men die then blackmail thousands of dollars from the families using photographs taken of the patriarchs in compromising and embarrassing, but none the less enjoyable, escapades with Peter Dinklage.

This opens up a whole new way to tell this story, granted they can’t really continue telling the same jokes about mismatched bodies (how often does that happen? Really?), men being mistaken for donkeys, or grumpy old uncles (although Danny Glover not playing a kindly old gent looks entertaining). Here is where I would take the series.

DAAF 3: Argentinian Adventures- Peter Dinklage extorts thousands from Juan Ramirez a neurotic car salesman

DAAF 4: Hong Kong Hijinks- Peter Dinklage takes thousands from an up and coming ad exec played by Jet Li (hey they could reverse the totally unfunny Jackie Chan joke that Chris Rock makes, have the funeral guys bring in a black man and Jet Li could say “You got Sydney Poitier in there” or if they feel Poitier would be too classy for the average viewer Li could say “You got Snoop Dogg in there”)

DAAF 5: Man in the Moon- This one would piss off the die-hard fans, but people who read a lot of Asimov would love it, Dinklage has an affair with a old robot and as the company gets ready to decommision the robot he reveals the pictures of the robot and Dinklage travelling across Europe.

DAAF 6: Murder at a Funeral: This would be the final entry. Dinklage has successfully made himself millions with his scam and now he is living it up in L.A. with a bevy of tan, young men. However he also wins the lottery, the biggest jackpot in WORLD HISTORY as it happens, and gets himself all over the news around the world. Which is bad because all the families that Dinklage blackmailed now know where he is, and it’s time for revenge. What follows is an hour and a half of ultra-violent action, I’m thinking the Bourne series meets Saw. It would end with Chris Rock, Alan Tudyk, and Jet Li stabbing Dinklage with an umbrella (which will be a reference to the 3rd movie once it is made).

I seriously hope the people behind these two films are reading my blog and decide to take it upon themselves to  make these films. If you do please send me a check, I only want like 4 grand and maybe a small percentage of the action figure rights from the 6th movie.

Happygerbaloon

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