The Juno Affair

CONTAINS A MINOR SPOILER OR TWO.

The first time I saw Juno I was pretty blown away, it was fresh, bright, and up beat, more so especially than the two movies I had seen prior, No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood.

No mention of hamburger phones here

Diablo Cody’s script felt fun and bubbly and sort of like a loving mockery of the hipster lingo of my generation. Then I watched it again on DVD and I got the sinking suspicion that it wasn’t a loving spoof but Diablo Cody had seriously meant for her characters to sound that ultra smart and twee.

This man should never be twee

It’s embarrassing at times that a movie for and about people my age would be this annoyingly cutesy. It’s too perfect and overly scripted.

Then there is the conflict of the film, which is non existent. you never have a moment where you are worried about Juno, it seems Diablo Cody liked her character way too fucking much to let her be hurt in any way for more than fifteen seconds. Even when we get some kind of dramatic moment after Jason Bateman leaves Jenifer Garner at like the end of the movie that problem is solved within five minutes, quick, simple, undramatic, boring. It’s not like life and it’s too condescending to be believable as Hollywood fantasy.

Then there’s 16 and Pregnant, an MTV show that takes the idea and the faux-artsy style of Juno but uses it on real life 16 year olds, it’s a pretty despicable show. You take young women going through the toughest part of their life, where a single mistake will fuck them over forever, and put some indie music over it, than film it for our disturbed enjoyment. Way to go Juno you made getting pregnant in high school look hip and cool, lucky for her she is just a character, an overly written, ultra smart character who doesn’t actually live in the real world, but in some sort of bizarro alternate dimension where Jason Bateman would leave Jennifer Garner so he can listen to Sonic Youth in his apartment.

Look how cute the logo is OMG!

I like a movie that makes you think, and gets better the more you think about it. Juno is the polar opposite of that kind of movie, the more you think about it the more annoying and unwatchable it becomes.

If you want a movie where Ellen Page is put to better use as an outcast high schooler seek out The Tracey Fragments, at least that flick doesn’t talk down to you.

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3 Responses to “The Juno Affair”

  1. that fucking clown.

  2. That clown may be the greatest thing ive seen in a theater, so serious which made it laugh out loud funny

    • i remember the mood of the audience. i felt like you and i were only ones who found it weird and everyone else wasnt wondering what the fuck it was doing there

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