Three Kings: Cloon The Goon and Pals Go To War

I like David O. Russel. I’ve seen most of Spanking the Monkey, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen his Ben Stiller movie, and I love Three Kings, yes I absolutely hate I Heart Huckabees, but everybody makes one bad movie eventually, and sometimes they make one of the worst movies ever.

I hate you I Heart Huckabees

But I digress, this is about Three Kings a film about the first Iraq war that stars Cloon the Goon, Mark Wahlberg, Ice Cube, and Spike Jonze as the Three Kings I guess, I know there are four of them, maybe David O. Russel forgot or something, maybe it was another metaphorical reason but if it does I don’t care cause metaphors are for sissies just like documentaries.

So Wahlberg, Jonze, and Cube find a map in a dudes butt then Cloon the Goon gets involved because he thinks it’s a map that leads to a bunch of gold, which it does, and they steal it because they want to quit their day jobs, Ice Cube works at an airport, Wahlberg is a cubicle jockey, and Spike Jonze shoots toys with a shotgun which would be the best day job ever if you could make 8 bucks an hour doing it, but he doesn’t so he needs that gold. Cloon the Goon does it because he doesn’t know why he fought in the war so he wants a reason, and I mean gold is a good enough reason to do most things.

Like slaughtering an indigenous people.

After the gold is had Cloon the Goon and the Kings (possibly the best band name since Chumba Wumba) take  pity on some Iraqi rebels in the coolest shoot out not filmed by Mann or Peckinpah. After that is when the film gets tricky but I’ll let you find out more on your own, what I want to talk about for a moment is Spike Jonze and Ice Cube.

Spike Jonze is primarily known as a director of some of the best music videos ever and some of the best movies around but holy shit kids, he can act. He does a better job of acting than most people in this movie, certainly better than Jamie Kennedy, he gets more screen time than Ice Cube, and he’s pretty much on par with Cloon the Goon in a couple of scenes, but that isn’t to say that the acting is bad, quite the opposite the acting in this is really great.

Ice Cube, what happened to him. He was in two of the best flicks of the 90’s, Three Kings and Boyz n The Hood, then the new millenium, or Willenium, starts and he does a bunch of stupid crap about driving kids and building houses or some shit, come on not good enough Ice Cube. we, the viewing public, know you have more potential than that.

The look of Three Kings is really rad, almost every shot could be made into a piece of art and a few of the sequences, like the aforementioned shoot out or the sepsis speech, are fucking beautiful.

Do I have any problems with the movie? Not really. It’s got so much that I like that it’s hard to think of something I don’t. If I’m being nit picky I guess the fact that the RZA isn’t in it kind of bugs me, I guess.

Not in this.

But seriously this is a great movie in my opinion, I’ve known some people who didn’t really care for it and I guess I can understand it but they are still wrong.


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